Divorce is hard on adults but it is your children who suffer the most.

How you handle your own divorce or separation will influence how your children deal with their own issues when they face a relationship that must end in their future.
It can be done with anger, resentment, and cruelty, or it can be done with maturity, compassion, and dignity.

Here are some practical ideas to assist you and your spouse.

1) Make sure your children understand IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT! Children are naturally egocentric and believe the world evolves around them.  As frustrating as this can be to deal with when they seem selfish, you must remember it works this way for everything.  Therefore, you children will naturally think your breakup is their fault or because of something they have done.  Make sure you reenforce that both of you still love them and nothing they did caused the situation.

2) Make sure you spend quality time with your kids and involve them in the positive aspects of creating a new life. Spending more one on one time with them will allow them to see they will have your undivided attention while with you. If your breakup involves relocating to a new home, make sure they are involved in picking out things for their new room and show them the local park they will play in and take them to the local ice cream store so they start to feel at home in their new “part time” neighborhood.

3) Don’t ever speak negatively about your spouse in front of your children or ask them to choose between the two of you. Kids want to love both of their parents.

4) Try and cooperate with your spouse about the rules in each others home so the children have a similar routine and rules.  The same bedtime, homework schedule, television and computer time allowed in both homes will make a consistent routine which will help your children feel secure.

5) Don’t discuss the divorce with or in hearing range of your children. This puts unnecessary pressure on them. Children do not want to be forced to choose between their parents and should always be sheltered from the process.

6) If you start dating again, be sensitive to your children’s feelings. They may be uncomfortable about someone new in your life that seems to be stepping into the role of the other parent.  Make sure you are very serious about the new person in your life before introducing them to your children and then, take it slowly.